Easter Madness
by gatehead81
Summary: <html><head></head>A series of varying length one-shot drabbles from Jack's Mega Easter BBQ! Expect drunken banter, calamity, shippiness, humour and a little OOC behaviour. Humour/Friendship. All the guys and a few extras. Rated K plus. Enjoy the silliness! R&R please!</html>
1. Setting The Scene

**AN: Not quite sure where this is going to go. Little bit of Easter fun. Lots of little one-shots set at various times during the same day, probably not an any particular time-line order. Some will be follow ons and some stand alone. Should be apparent. Some as short as six words long none any longer than 500 or so. Think 'Window Of Opportunity' for the right mindset and imaginary theme tune.**

**Expect a really relaxed and friendly team environment with drunken banter, calamity, a little OOC, some shippiness, a lot of humour and some unexpected visitors... No idea how many chapters will materialise, just have to wait and see... Will post as they come to me. Expecting about half a dozen or so today, got to love lazy days in the sun :) Usual disclaimer as per profile.**

**Ratings etc at the top of each chapter, summaries/time-frames etc if applicable.**

**SUMMARY: A series of varying length one-shots from Jack's Mega Easter BBQ! Expect drunken banter, calamity, shippiness, humour and a little OOC behaviour. Humour/Friendship. All the guys and a few extras. Rated K+ at the mo. Please R&R**

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><p>~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~ EASTER MADNESS! ~~~~~<p>

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><p>1. SETTING THE SCENE<p>

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><p><strong>AN: JackSam, Rated K, Friendship/Humour. **

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><p>It all started with the best team night ever. They laughed, joked and teased each other all night long. They had even all (eventually) agreed on and (surprisingly) enjoyed the same movie. Who would have thought 'Singing In The Rain' would turn out to be such a hit. Teal'c singing along had been hilarious and now it was Easter Sunday and Jack was hosting what was sure to be the BBQ of the century. Everyone was coming, Frasier, Cassie, Hammond, some of the other SG teams and personnel, even Siler and that little guy who opens the iris were invited and Jack was ecstatic about the impending fesivities and cake.<p>

He yawned and stuck on the coffee intending to shower before the others got up but before he had the chance a fresh faced and immaculately turned out Sam wandered in and gave his sleep attire an appraising sweep. "Nice PJ's Sir."

"It's Jack and you've seen these before."

Sam didn't think so. She was sure she'd remember seeing her CO in Futurama pyjamas.

He noticed her sceptical look. "You have Sam, don't you remember that time we all went camping in Arizona? I wore them then."

"You so did not! You threatened to but then you chickened out."

Jack blushed. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It was too cold that night anyhow."

"You mean the pretty girls from the other campsite who came to join us round the fire made you too embarrassed."

"Whatever Carter, just watch the coffee would you, I'm going to get changed." and with that he was gone. Sam looked at the clock it was 08.03 and she just had the most devilish idea ever. Heading for the fridge she checked that she had all the components she needed and set about putting her plan into action...

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><p><strong>AN: So here we go... enjoy :)<strong>


	2. Chocolate For Breakfast

**AN: Danny's wake up call...**

**Daniel/Jack/Sam. Rated K. Humour/Friendship**

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><p>2. CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST<p>

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><p>Daniel yawned and reached for his glasses off the coffee table. One of these days he was going to be the one who didn't fall asleep first and end up on the couch.<p>

"Morning sleepy-head." sang Jack and dropped a mug of coffee in front of him. "You getting up or what, Teal'c's already gone for a run."

"Yeah sure, give me a minute." He swung his socked feet onto the floor and rubbed his stiff neck.

"You'd better hurry up Daniel, all the Easter eggs are nearly gone already."

"What, why?" He looked at his watch. It was only coming up on nine am.

"Carter got into the stash and then I just had to help her."

"Hey!" Sam's head popped in through the doorway. "Don't you dare blame me! I'm not the one who 'hid' them in the fridge!"

"I told you already, I wasn't hiding them."

"So you always wrap your Easter eggs in foil and write turkey across the front?"

Jack gave her a withering look. "Just hurry up with the OJ, I'm thirsty." Sam smiled wickedly and disappeared back into the kitchen.

"How come she didn't argue with you?"

"What do you mean Daniel?"

" '_Just hurry up with the OJ'_ Usually she would have thumped you for a sexist statement like that."

Jack looked round at where Sam had been standing. "You know you are right, what is she up to?" With that he wandered off leaving Daniel to discover the fact that there was an Easter egg with his name on it stuffed inside his shoe.

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><p><strong>AN: So what is Sam up to? Hmm I wonder...<strong>


	3. More OJ Sir

**AN: Sam/Jack/Teal'c/Daniel. Rated K. Humour/Friendship**

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><p>MORE OJ SIR<p>

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><p>"More OJ Sir?"<p>

"It's Jack."

"Sorry...More OJ..._Jack_?"

"Ah no thank you Sam, I think two glasses is more than enough, don't you?"

"Oh go on...can't have too much of a good thing." she poured him another glass and grinned from ear to ear. He grinned back.

"You know what Sam, I don't recall you having any. The jug is nearly empty, you go ahead."

Sam's face fell. "Ah, no I'm good. OJ is not really my thing."

"Since when? Drink up." He gave her little option as he held the glass close to her face. Reluctantly she took it and drew a small sip. "Down in one Sam." He tilted the glass and she swallowed frantically to avoid spilling the juice on her top. Grabbing the suddenly empty glass she tore it clear of his hands and choked loudly.

"Ja-ack! That was..." Just at that Teal'c jogged in through the back door and grabbed the last of the jug on his way past. "No Teal'c wait..." It was too late. OJ sprayed all over the room as Teal'c spat the liquid back out.

Jack and Sam burst out laughing at the look on the affronted Jaffa's face.

Daniel walked in about to ask what was so funny when something unusual in the air caught his attention. "Hey, what smells like gin?"

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><p><strong>AN: And so the party's started... :)<strong>


	4. The First Guests

**AN: Janet/Daniel. Rated K. Friendship**

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><p>4. THE FIRST GUESTS ARRIVE<p>

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><p>The doorbell rang and when Jack didn't even bother to acknowledge it Daniel found himself being the one to answer it.<p>

"Hey Daniel, thanks for letting me in."

"No probs Janet." he returned her expansive grin and took some of the shopping bags that she was heavily loaded down with. "Everyone is in the kitchen."

They wandered through the house. Sam was humming as she did the last of the dishes and Jack whooped as a new song came on the radio. Janet looked from one to the other just as Cassie tore into the room, her bag crashing to the floor as she carelessly dumped it. "Cassie!" Janet chastised, the kid ignored her.

"Jack! Sam!" She ran over to them and Jack scooped her up.

"Bambino, how are you? I hope you're ready to eat lots of chocolate!" he swung the young girl around and Sam laughed lightly coming over to kiss the girls forehead and place soap suds on her nose.

"Daniel? Are they drunk?" Janet asked listening to the overly loud tones and watching their exaggerated reactions.

"Yep!"

"But it's only 11:30!"

He sipped his sensible coffee. "Yep!"

"What happened?"

"Sam spiked the breakfast juice, Jack made her drink it too."

"Oh boy this is going to be some party!"

"Yep!"

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><p><strong>AN: Okay time to move things along a little...<strong>


	5. Jack Come Quick

**AN: Jack/Sam. Rated K. Humour. This was the original conversational notion that hit me out of the weirdness of my mind...**

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><p>JACK COME QUICK<p>

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><p>The party was in full swing and almost everyone was here and they were all in good humour. The beer pile was somehow magically maintaining some kind of staus quo. It seemed for every bottle grabbed more guests arrived and restocked it. He would have to move it all to it's final destination soon. The hard liquor stash was growing slowly too. Janet had put herself in charge of that. It seemed neither he nor Sam were responsible enough to look after it. He snorted and wonder what on earth could have caused her to reach that conclusion?<p>

Feeling more than a little tipsy he looked up from the beginnings of the fire in the pit at the sky above his head. It was clear blue with not a cloud in sight. Birds were singing as were some of his guests. He could hear Siler the Karaoke King already cranking things up. Hell the guy hadn't even finished his first beer and he was singing like a lark.

A stiff breeze blew across the yard making him shiver. It was early April and the weather was still very cool for the time of year. Suddenly there was a commotion from somewhere out the front of his house and a whole lot of laughter. Carter appeared round the side of the garage, her cardigan blowing back in the wind. He raised his brows at her haste.

"Jack you'd better come quick!"

"What's up Sam?"

"Daniel's in the pool."

"Carter...I don't have a pool."

"I know..."

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><p><strong>AN: Nothing to add...<strong>


	6. Not A Pool

**AN: Daniel/Teal'c. K Rated. Humour**

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><p>NOT A POOL<p>

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><p>Daniel sat clad in nothing but a towel with another draped round his shoulders, his wet hair dripped onto it. Freezing didn't describe it. He shivered violently.<p>

Teal'c arrived with a steaming mug of coffee and observed the miserable archaeologist.

"Well how was I supposed to know it wasn't a pool?"

An eyebrow arched.

"It looked like a pool." He tightened the towel around his shoulders. "It had water in it!"

"This much is true."

"I mean who does that?" He reached up took and sipped his coffee as Teal'c paused to contemplate.

"O'Neill." the Jaffa stated.

"Yeah exactly! Only Jack O'Neill would hire a mini hot-tub for his guests and fill it full of cold water and ice!"

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><p><strong>AN: Aww poor Daniel lol :)<strong>


	7. Little Iris Dude

**AN: Jack/Walter. Rated K. Humour.**

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><p>LITTLE IRIS DUDE<p>

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><p>The little Iris dude was standing alone in the corner with an empty beer bottle. He had been talking to Siler but Siler was off talking motorbike with Sam and now the guy was all alone. Jack felt kinda sorry for him and wandered over with a fresh beer in hand.<p>

"Hey your Norman right?"

"No Sir, Walter."

"Right of course, how forgetful of me. Walter, Walter Davis."

The little guy poked his glasses up his face. "Harriman Sir." he mumbled. Jack cocked an ear not quite catching his words. "My name is Walter Harriman." he repeated.

"Oh. Well have another beer Walter." After a few moments awkward silence Jack asked. "So who's Davis then?"

"Davis is the guy with the crush on Carter."

"The what?" Jack glared down and Walter almost dropped his beer.

"Ah, nothing Sir. A joke, a not very funny joke. I apologise Sir." he shuffled his feet turning red.

Jack eyed him suspiciously then he broke out his fake mega-grin. "Funny Walter, funny. And sayin' as how you are standing in my back yard how about you call me Jack?"

"Ah, yes Sir. I mean Jack, Sir."

O'Neill rolled his eyes. Then he spotted his new target. "Excuse me Walter. Yo Davis, come here a minute."

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><p><strong>POINT OF INTEREST:- For those who don't know the trivia behind the names Walter was originally to be called Norman Davis but quite early in the show Hammond said "Open the iris Airman" and TPTB thought it sounded like he said Harriman and so it was. Then in Season 4 Ep: "2010" RDA forgot his name and called him "Waa-llter?" and then basically refused to shoot the scene. So they shrugged and said "I guess he's Walter then?" (SOURCE:- Audio Book 'Lines Of Communication' Post-recording Interview with Gary Jones.)<strong>

**That's why I love the fact that Jack can never remember his name :)**

**AN: Any-hoo, I was going to leave the next section for a while as it's set later in the day but I think I'll continue the name theme now...**


	8. Call Me Jack

**AN: Early evening. A very drunk Jack and Sam are lounging in the living room, taking some time out from the crowded backyard.**

**Jack/Sam. Friendship. Rated K.**

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><p>CALL ME JACK<p>

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><p>"Sir?"<p>

"Sam for the last time. Call! Me! Jack!"

"Jack what?"

"What?"

"Jack rabbit?"

"No."

"Jack hammer?"

"As in MC? I don't think so."

"Jackpot."

"Ah the seventies."

She giggled... "Okay how about Jack the lad?"

"Again, the seventies.

"Sixties more like."

"Hey!"

"Jack and the beanstalk, Jack be nimble, Jackie boy, Jackie."

"Not funny."

"I disagree. Jackdaw."

"What?"

"It's a bird."

"Oh."

"Carjack, Kojack, Jack in a box, Jack out of a box."

"Okay Carter getting bored now."

"I'm not…"

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><p><strong>AN: Onwards...<strong>


	9. Lets See How You Like It

**AN: Jack/Sam. Frinedship. Rated K.**

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><p>LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT<p>

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><p>"Okay Carter, let's see how you like it. Sam…ba, Samba."<p>

"Wow big leap!"

"Erm…Samfoo."

"Shampoo?"

"No-oo, Samfoo, it's what Chinese women wear. The word 'Sam' itself means Dress by the way."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Oh alright, you can have that one."

"Nice. Ooh, ooh Samsung."

"Good one."

"…Sam, Sam…Salamander."

"Uh-uh."

"Why not?"

"It's got a 'l' in it, so it's not a Sam. If anything it would be 'Samamander' which is not a word, so no."

"An 'l'."

"Whatever."

"Oh wait. I've got it, the perfect one…"

"Go on then!"

"Samwich."

She laughed.

"Yeah that's it Ham Samwich."

A pause... she waited expectantly.

A longer pause... she frowned. "You're not very good at this."

"I guess not."

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><p><strong>AN: One more, then that's it for today...<strong>


	10. Can I Play

**AN: Daniel/Jack/Sam. Friendship/Romance. Rated K+**

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><p>CAN I PLAY<p>

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><p>Daniel wandered into the living room where Jack and Sam were lounging around and laughing. "What ya do-oin'?"<p>

"Playin' extend the name." Sam informed him.

"Oh really, how does that go?"

"It's easy. You just extend the person's name to make as many new words or phrases as you can. Like Jack rabbit and Carjack."

"Or Samsung."

"I get it, like Sambuca and Jack-o-lantern. That's cool, Jack will you do me?"

"Um okay…Danielle."

Daniel waited patiently for him to continue.

Silence descended…

"Oh come on, is that it?"

Two heads nodded.

"Not even Daniel-san or Jack Daniel's."

"Oh yeah, never thought of that, Sam?"

"Me either." She giggled again.

"You guys are drunk." Daniel huffed and bumped against the doorframe as he left.

"And like you're not!" Jack yelled after him then settled back into his seat and listened to Sam's laughter.

"You know that was a little harsh." she said.

"No not really, I couldn't think of anything!"

"Oh come on!"

"I couldn't!"

"All you had to do was shorten his name. Dan Dare, Desperate Dan, Dandelion…"

"Dandruff?"

"Exactly."

"But that's cheating, you gotta use the pershon's…pershon? Hold on." he burped. "The _person's_ full name."

"Ah, Sam 'snot my full name. He-he I said snot."

Jack looked over, surprised by the realisation. "Oh yeah that's right Sam-an-tha!"

She exclaimed in mock horror at his teasing. "Like you can talk, Jonathan!"

Jack's feet hit the floor and he pointed at her, beer bottle still in hand. "Hey don't call me that."

"Oh weally, why not?" she made a 'poor baby' face.

He set the bottle down and gave her a warning look.

She grinned wickedly and spoke up in a sing song voice. "What ya gonna do about it Jonathan?"

"Oh that's it you are so dead."

She squawked and evaded his grasp as he lunged at her from his chair.

On the third circuit of the room, determined to catch her he took a shortcut across the coffee table and pinned her down on the sofa.

"I've got you now Samantha Carter."

"Stop it, stop it!" She squealed as he tickled her hard.

"Not until you promise never to call me that again."

"Please, please." she begged. "I'm going to wet myself."

"Promise!"

"Okay, okay I promise."

Finally he relaxed his deadly grip on her.

It took them a while to settle down, the intoxication getting the better of them. He dropped his head against her neck as the giggling fit subsided. She squirmed under him as his breath tickled her neck. Suddenly they realised their proximity to each other and both parties momentarily froze.

Jack pushed her hair back out of her face.

Sam's tongue darted out quickly, licking her bottom lip.

He lowered his head till he was within mere millimetres of her.

As he held his breath her mouth came up to meet his, gently, hesitantly.

He brought the kiss to fruition and broke away to check she was okay.

Her sparkling eyes told him everything he needed to know and despite the fact that he should know better, he fell on her again.

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><p><strong>AN: Aww shippy goodness... that's enough of that then! Next instalment in a few days.<strong>


	11. Sight To Behold

**AN: Sorry for the delay people, hate it when life gets in the way of fan-fics! lol.**

**Daniel/Teal'c. Friendship/Humour. Rated K.**

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><p>SIGHT TO BEHOLD<p>

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><p>Daniel's back straightened and he blinked a few times sure that he was hallucinating, then a super-sized grin spread over his face.<p>

"Hey Teal'c come quick, look, look!"

The big Jaffa drifted to his side and trained his vision through the window his friend seemed totally transfixed by.

His back also straightened as he watched.

Through the glass they witnessed a laughing Jack and Sam, intertwined in each other's arms on the couch, slowly moving closer to each other.

Daniel excitedly nudged his friend's elbow. "Yes, yes come on….finally!"

Teal'c sighed.

"I told you tonight would be the night." Daniel whooped. "Pay up."

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><p><strong>AN: yay pay the winner!<strong>


	12. Disaster Averted

**AN: Teal'c/Daniel/Hammond. Friendship. Rated K+.**

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><p>DISASTER AVERTED<p>

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><p>Daniel Jackson's face went pale.<p>

"Oh crap! Teal'c, we gotta stop them!"

"For what reason Daniel Jackson?" but the man was already gone.

Teal'c looked in through the window and felt his very breathing arrest deeply from within.

George Hammond was prowling about the room behind the couch where Jack and Sam were intertwined. If he caught them it would spell disaster.

Daniel burst through the side door. "General Hammond Sir, there you are." he blustered. The man turned round.

"Is that a twenty in your hand Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel looked at the money. "Oh, yeah sorry General. I'll just put it away. Anyway I was wondering if you'd seen the latest addition on the fire pit?" _'Well that was lame.'_ he thought to himself.

"Actually Doctor I was looking for Jack, you haven't seen him have you?"

"Ah no-ooo." Daniel sang. "Oh wait a minute what _am_ I talking about I think he out the front near that stupid pool, cooler thing he created. Come on I'll take you to him."

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><p><strong>AN: Eep! Phew! One more in this continuance and then it's back to the afternoon rather than early evening and different kinds of shenanigans! <strong>


	13. That Was Close

**AN: Jack/Sam. Rated K. Romance/Friendship.**

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><p>THAT WAS CLOSE<p>

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><p>The room had gone completely quiet so Jack slowly released Sam's mouth from under his down pressed hand. "Well that was close!"<p>

They both finally relaxed and started to breathe again.

"A little too close." she whispered.

Silently they untangled and sat up. Shyly they looked at each other. If their hearts hadn't been hammering before they definitely were now.

Suddenly Sam straightened. "Oh no-oo!" her eyes went wide.

"What?"

"He must have seen us."

Jack felt a cold horror run through him. "Who?" he asked.

"Daniel!"

"Oh yeah!" He straightened too and then after a moment smile in relief. "Good job he did, huh?"

"I'll say."

"God-dammit!" Jack shot to his feet.

"What?" Sam asked, bewildered by his sudden movement.

"The twenty! He won the bet!"

Sam's jaw dropped. "Oh yeah, I can't believe they were betting on us!"

"I can't believe Teal'c bet against us!"

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><p><strong>AN: Okay time for some unexpected party games I think. But not for a few days no doubt, maybe I'll get the chance to think of something later, but right now I want to work on a new fic, something with a bit more substance. Like all of us feel it would be nice to hear how I'm getting on...<strong>


	14. Teal'c Food

**AN: So not party games, food...Teal'c style.**

**Jack/Teal'c/Daniel. Rated K. Humour/Friendship.**

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><p>TEAL'C FOOD<p>

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><p>Jack frowned and sighed at what the big Jaffa had done to his precious barbecue. There was not a single piece of meat to be seen anywhere. "Tee-aa-ll'c." he moaned and set his beer down.<p>

"O'Neill?" the large dark skin member of SG-1 who was currently sporting a wonky looking chef's hat enquired.

"For the last time, you can't barbecue fruit!"

"On the contrary."

Jack looked at the blackened thing that he was sure was about to explode at any moment.

"You should really try it Jack, it's quite good!" spoke Daniel around his mouthful, golden goo dripping over the side of his paper plate.

Jack wasn't so sure, it looked disgusting.

Teal'c swung a plate out at him. On it was a charred banana that looked like...like something that no-one in their right mind would consider putting anywhere near their mouth, or even on a plate. "Err."

"O'Neill!" the Jaffa warned, he was not going to back down.

Jack shrugged the smell of the honey made it marginally more attractive. "Try anything once... can't be any worse than Skarra's moonshine." he muttered. Tentatively he took a bite. "Hey this is really good!"

"As I have repeatedly told you."

Jack reached out to grab the second banana off the grill. Deliberately the big Jaffa slapped his hand, not away but onto the hot metal. "Ow!" he hissed and sucked on his burnt fingers. He looked accusingly at his friend, pride instantly dented at being berated.

"The remaining Bar-bana is for Major Carter."

Jack's eyebrows flicked up. "The remaining what?" he asked incredulously around his fingers.

"Bar-bana, barbecued banana, makes sense." chirped Daniel, obviously please with himself.

"No it doesn't." Jack frowned at both of them. Daniel was drunk, but Teal'c had no excuse for helping come up with such a stupid name but he didn't feel like arguing with the intoxicated archaeologist. "I go get her then shall I?" and with that he left them standing pouring the last of his beer onto his mildly throbbing fingertips.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> **If you've never tried BBQ banana give it a go, Teal'c is so right, it is good. Even better with vanilla ice-cream and honey. Yummy, yummy for my tummy :) Boozy cheese too, Brie or Camembert wrapped on foil punctured with holes and filled with brandy. Just wrap it up and wait for the grill to make it super runny...mmmm!**


	15. Tau'ri Traditions part 1

**AN: Teal'c has some questions about the odd human behaviour he has observed so far.**

**Teal'c/Jack. Rated K. Humour/Friendship.**

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><p>TAU'RI TRADITIONS part 1<p>

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><p>Teal'c ran his eye around the elated human's in Jack O'Neill's back yard for the third time. In the corner Janet and Sam still sported bunny ears and Siler had adopted the strange flimsy mask representation of a cartoon chicken abandoned by the young Cassie. Closer to his side his friend sat with his fingers splayed on an obviously swollen stomach, small crumbs still adorning his festive shirt.<p>

"O'Neill why again is that you mourn the death of the son of one of your country's predominant gods by eating chocolates in the shape of eggs, fluffy bunnies and little baby chicks?"

"Don't forget the cake Teal'c." Jack said patting his gut and ignoring the potentially tiresome question.

"And the wearing of the costumes that represent fictitious characters, that is a sign of respect for his solemn passing?"

The Colonel relented. "No Teal'c, it's not about mourning his death, it is essentially about celebrating his rising again."

"With the aid of a sarcophagus."

"No-oo not with the aid of a… oh I don't know Teal'c, go ask Daniel."

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><p><strong>AN: part 2 inbound.<strong>


	16. Tau'ri Traditions part 2

**AN: Teal'c/Daniel. Rated K. Humour/Friendship.**

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><p>TAU'RI TRADITIONS 2<p>

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><p>"Daniel Jackson why is it that…"<p>

Daniel swings round losing half the contents of his cocktail glass.

Teal'c watches the alcohol hit the floor.

"Never mind I have decided that I do not wish to know."

Sighing he walked away.

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><p><strong>AN: Poor Teal'c, guess he's never going to understand those crazy human traditions!<strong>


End file.
